A Guide to Eating The Box the RIGHT Way

Throughout my trysts I notice one thing. Men as a whole TRULY have no clue how to eat a box. There are definitely exceptions to this as I have had some that were so wonderfully excellent that my box jumps for joy just thinking about it. There are some dudes who have an absolute addiction to it and that’s cool too, just don’t try to skimp out on the dick because then we have problems. There are also dudes that seemingly don’t care to do it all. *insert horrific face here* I’m sure they had a bad experience with one *read – a nasty box*

*cringe*

There are dudes who do it just because they know you want it but don’t do it with any kind of personality. This could be because of reactions that they may have gotten in the past…women being to scared to tell them that they are doing it wrong and moan just because…causing the guy to think he’s doing an exceptional job – when In FACT, she’s just fueling this mortifying method and the next chick is going to have to suffer because she couldn’t man up and tell him – or ASSIST him in doing it the right way.

A dude that KNOWS he knows what he's doing is a turn on for me. Let me paint a picture for you.

He backed me into his bedroom, still lip locked, kissing me with such euphoric fervor that my knees began to tremble and a shiver of excitement ran down my spine. His hands firmly holding the small of my back as we padded to the California king-sized bed that was adorned with a multitude of pillows that accented the warm tones of the room. As the back of my calves came up against the side of the bed, he tightened his grip on me so I wouldn’t lose my balance. With our tongues still exploring each others mouths in delight he brought his hands to the back of my high-waisted skirt and unzipped it, gently tugging the skirt over my curvy hips. As the skirt gave way and dropped to the floor, he wrestled his mouth away from mine, his hands sliding down my thighs until he fell to his knees onto the carpet coming face to face with my freshly shaped airport landing strip. Feeling his breath on my box caused my knees to shake uncontrollably. He took notice and brought his hands to the back of my knees holding them until they relaxed. As I looked down at him, he looked up and winked at me before burying his nose into my clit and moaning at the greeting of my shea butter scent. He tried to say something but his voice cracked with desire the moment he opened his mouth. Placing both of my hands around the back of his head I pulled his face into me. His thick tongue met my clit with patience as he slowly flicked it at he tip of it, baiting me…teasing me. Moans escaped my throat despite my trying to quiet them. His tongue gyrated against the bottom of my clit and the top of vulva causing my entire body to tremble as I tried to push his head away. He tightened is grip around my legs pushing his tongue down and up into me. His lips closed around the top of my clit and stood still for a few moments. My chest was heaving with desire and my eyes were burning with tears from him feeling so good. He began to pulse his tongue between my walls slowly…silently. His tongue felt like it was riding a wave within my walls…back and forth, up and down…I squeezed my walls tighter around his tongue and he moaned. Pressing the ball of my foot against the crotch of his pants that were getting tighter every second – he grabbed the back of my ass pulling me further into his face if that was even possible. He slid his tongue out of my pussy tracing the outer lips around and around as my eyes rolled closed. He pressed his tongue against one side and pulsed his tongue against the lip seemingly trying to become one with it. I tried to call his name but was so stuck in desire I only spoke in tongues. He looked up into my eyes and moaned “Mmmhmm.” He went over to the other lip and did the same, all the while watching my face and body responding to his touch. He brought his tongue back to my center and rammed his tongue into me…this time not pulsing, but stroking. In and out…in and out. On the stroke out, he slurped my love out. The suckling sounds of him having this extraordinary conversation with my box caused my body to rock as I began to cum all over his mouth. He said nothing as he moaned and continued to suck it out. He stopped for a moment and pulled back and looked at me. His goatee was shiny with my juices and I longed to taste myself on his mouth. I reached down to pull his face up but he pulled away.

“No babe, not yet….”

My pussy was engorged and felt swollen and I desperately wanted cock. He stood up and unbuttoned my silk blouse until it fell to the floor reaching around to my back to unfasten my bra. As my breasts jumped free he laid me onto the bed bringing his mouth down over my left breast…sucking softly, running his teeth gently over the tip of my nipple. I gasped at the feeling of his teeth grazing my skin paired with the warmth of his mouth on me. I reached out to him, but he slid out of my grasp back down to nirvana. Blowing on my clit, he used his right index finger and thumb to open me up. He blew softly into the opening as his tongue delved into the folds of me. Sliding his tongue back out he kissed me there. Soft, full, wet kisses that caused my hips to raise, and the piercing screams to rip from my throat as I came once more. He pulled back to watch my juices ooze down my pussy and brought his mouth over them before they hit the bed. Call him Mr. Clean Up if you will.

“Do you like it babe?”

I couldn’t speak but I nodded as I looked down at him through hazy eyes. He finally brought his face to mine as I grabbed the back of his head pulling his mouth to me so I could clean myself off of his face. The combination of me on him tasted delicious. I reached down to unbutton his pants and he assisted me in taking them off, his dick springing upward as if it were freed from its cage. As I continued to suck myself off of his face he positioned himself at my wet opening and thrust inside with such fury that my breath caught in my throat.



Ladies now let me ask you this…isn’t this how you would LOVE to be eaten? Isn’t this the ONLY way to be eaten? (I'm not even including the tossing of your salad right now.) Not having your clit flicked at like a lizard is down there right? Not having a man licking ONLY the clit and never once ATTEMPTING to take his tongue for a stroll into the walls? I understand and hear your pain ladies. It’s time to speak up and train these dudes to get the job done right.

Fellas, if you are open to be coached and your ego won’t get in the way, let us HELP you help US. Y’all claim to be on a mission to satisfy us in bed right? (Well some of y’all anyway)

Talk to me. What say you?



© 2010 Farrah Barnes

Mr. WilderBeast / Done Off With the Youngin's

He was a cute, young thang. Literally. In the back of my mind I thought that I was truly getting tired of these youngin’s but couldn’t stop attracting them to save my life. I made him take me to see Sex & The City 2. The movie was cool, not better than part 1 in my opinion. But it wasn’t bad.

After the movie we had a lot of jokes and fooled around with each other. He wanted to go to a hotel. I wanted to fuck in the car. Who do you think won that argument? In all honesty, I just wanted to fuck. I didn’t even want to make out. TOTALLY not me, because as you all know…I LOVE to kiss. Granted, he did have a juicy set of lips so perhaps…

We ended up parking underneath a tree around my way on a fairly deserted strip. It was around 1:30am so I didn’t anticipate any problems.

I can’t quite remember how he got from the drivers’ seat into the passenger seat and how I ended up on top of him IN that seat but there we both were. I leaned in for the kiss remembering that I felt mighty awkward but I still went for it. (This should have been my sign to go home) His lips felt like pillows. Gratifying, fluffy, and comfortable. He pecked my lips with his and since I didn’t feel an immediate body response to his lips I went in for the lower lip only thinking about myself at this point. His bottom lip was juicy enough to fill my mouth so I sucked on it gently, allowing my tongue to graze the outer rim. Gently nibbling my way side to side on his lip I felt my pussy began to throb. If he couldn’t do it for me I certainly knew how to do it for myself. He was trying to kiss me back and I wasn’t feeling it so I went in to suck on his tongue. And suck I did. I allowed my entire body to move up and down with the movements of my mouth around his tongue. I began to moan in his mouth and my pussy started to leak. I wanted the dick.

STAT.

Through my horny haze I muttered an indescribable “Get in the back.” It seemed as if my legs had gotten longer or the car had shrunk as I had the most difficult time getting back there but had finally managed to.

One of the things I hated about his car was that his windows weren’t tinted. I can’t remember the last time I’d been in a car without tints but the fact that they were non-existent blew mine from day one. I feel as if they provide at least a bit of privacy, but I digress.

I had managed to crawl out of my thong, tossing them somewhere in the car along with my top and bra while he came out of his t-shirt. I laid back against the seat, fingering my bar accessory, panting, waiting for him to do something…ANYTHING.

He pulled his pants down to knee level and exposed the Jolly Rancher. From the dim, lighting he didn’t look too bad but I was more concerned about getting it IN me than anything else. He’d extracted a condom from the dash, put it on and FINALLY got situated. I still fingered my bar as he began to enter, as he continued as he slid in. He put an arm under and around my waist pulling my hips all the way up causing him to fill my pussy up. I could not deny that he felt good. He wasn't the longest, but he was medium fat if you know what I mean. Wrapping my arms around his neck I started to completely zone out…

That is, until I heard something.

I snapped out of my zone to pay attention. There was some kind of growling going on. I started to wonder if a loose dog was staring into the window thinking I was being hurt or something. My ears perked up as I continued to listen while he stroked inside of me with conviction.

I heard the growling again…and this time…it was directly into my left ear.

*blinkblink*

WTF?!

This dude was picking up speed and growling like a fucking jungle wolf.

“Grrrr GRRRRRR GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.”

I started getting a growl for each stroke. I was instantly turned off. Did he not hear himself? Did he even know he was doing it? Fuck this. I slid out of his grasp and pushed him down on the seat so I can hop on. I figured that: 1 – I was still going to get my nut off and 2 – if I was doing the work maybe he’d stop with the wilderbeast soundtrack.

As I situated myself on top of him facing the back window I saw a car ride by and slow up to make a u-turn. As the car came up on our side, I realized it was a patrol car. Fucking cops. Shit. I hopped off and laid low in the seat shrieking “The cops are here!” while trying to find my clothes. Why I would take off my top AND bra in the back seat of a car was BEYOND me. As he frantically tried to pull his jeans up and find his t-shirt, I heard the car pull up alongside us. Muttering obscenities to myself, I wondered why I just didn’t go to a hotel. I was freaking out because I had yet to find my clothes and I was laying there naked with police officers talking to him through the back window that was half way open –

THAT HAD NO TINTS.

“You have GOT to be kidding me right now!” is what came from the patrol car.

"Umm, No sir, I’m not" he'd said as he struggled to put his tee on.

“Get your clothes on and get out of the car with your ID…AND HURRY UP!!!”

Meanwhile, I had managed to find my top and was completely baffled as to why it was not agreeing with me by going over my head nice and smoothly. It ended up being put on backwards and my hair was a mess.

“Miss, I’m gonna need you to get out of the car with your ID as well.”

“Not a problem, I’m coming out now.”

I reached into the front seat to get my ID out of my wallet and smoothed my hair down while getting out of the car. I know I looked a hot-assed mess. I walked around the car muttering “fuck my life.”

The patrol car had that bright white light on and I felt like I was in the scene at the end of Set it Off when Frankie gets caught.

The cop looked at his ID and said “How old are you twenty-two? Twenty-three?”

He opened his mouth to say the latter but he cut him off and yelled “But you still old enough to know better!!! There are plenty of hotels around here!” He then went off into this tirade about there are crazy people that could’ve just walked up to the car and tried to hurt us yadda yadda yadda. Meanwhile, youngin’ is in the background shouting at me that he TOLD me we should’ve went to a hotel.

“Can I see your ID Miss?”

This is where the jokes keep going. I already KNEW what he was going to say.

I handed it to him through the passenger side window over his partner, a woman – who was disdainfully shaking her head at me. He looked at my ID and gasped.

*insert The Joker's voice here* And HEEEREEE WE GO.

"You are thirty-one?! YOU should know better!!!"

He shook his head at me. I struggled to keep the grin off of my face. I was so embarrassed that I didn’t know what else to do BUT grin. Cop1 looked at me and shook his head. After a few moments he'd said:

“Do better.”

He handed me my ID, rolled up the window and drove off.

I was grateful I wasn’t given a summons for the fact that I’d gotten caught getting it on in the backseat of a car. However, the statement “do better” kind of brought me down. It was a strong statement that I’m sure meant stop raping these young ass dudes and find a hotel in the future. I began to zone out as I walked back around the side of the car scowling as I looked at the clear windows. I heard him briefly in the background laughing uncontrollably as we got in the car and headed to drop me home.

I thought to myself that I was finally done with younger dudes and wondered if he had been older would I have even thought to blaze in the car. Nevertheless, I knew I would never fuck him again and began erasing the memory of it all as I got out the car and walked into my building, totally forgetting that my favorite bra was stuck somewhere in the back seat but realizing that after all of that I didn't even get to get my nut off.

0_o

Ironically being the day after "LeBron Day," I felt this pic was most befitting.



© 2010 Farrah Barnes