Mr. No Thank You, Never Again

He was relatively short but he was funny as hell and humor will get me just as good as looks will. He was 5'7" with a toasted almond complexion, box eating lips, and weighed about 150 pounds. A lightweight in my book but it was ok. We met at a party and he was a friend of a friend. He was a slick talker and for those of you that have been with me since the start, you know what that does for me. Ladies, we all know whether or not we are going to sleep with a guy within the first moments of meeting them. I decided that I wasn't. He was a supercool dude but not necessarily my type. He kissed me after the party that night. Ehhh. I am taller than him so the whole me feeling like I had to tilt my head downwards wasn't going to work for me. On top of that, I guess he had wanted to steal a kiss and ended up banging his teeth with mine and making me cut my damned lip.

*blink*

I gave him the benefit of the doubt and figured he was nervous.

We did exchange numbers though and chatted almost everyday. I guess this is why I began to feel a way towards him. I liked speaking to him, I liked that he made me laugh until I wiped tears from my face but I was still on the fence about sleeping with him.

One particular Wednesday had been a trying day thanks to the MTA. I'd had some company over to cool out and after an hour of playing hostess, it was imperative that I took a nap immediately. I'd excused myself leaving my homegirl in charge and went into my bedroom and closed the door.

I sat on the edge of my pillow-topped queen sized bed and slowly exhaled. My problem was that I didn't know when to just take a break to just relax and try not to think about ANYthing. I slipped out of my Levi's and v-necked tee into a pair of boyshorts and a silk cami. It felt unbelievably amazing slipping into bed under my sheets. Drifting into a Reisling induced slumber, I heard my door but figured it was my homegirl so I paid her no mind. By the time the other side of my bed had become occupied I had drifted back in my sleep. I felt a hand slide up my thigh and up to my right butt cheek. the hand started to massage my cheek before sliding up the side of my waist and cupping my right breast. I leaned back slightly to see 1. who was caressing me and 2. so they can give my left boob some love too. It was him.

So much for me not fucking him as I had already begin to drip.

I was amazed at the fact that he had elephant balls to be feeling me up in our setting with company there and all. Through my haze, part of me KNEW this was NOT the time and part of me knew I was horny and just wanted to fuck at this point.

He brought his mouth down on the nipple of my left boob and sucked. Amazingly, this did nothing for me. I found myself just wanting the dick. He used his left hand to pull down my boyshorts and my thong to my ankles and I kicked them off under the sheets. He hoisted himself up over me and i felt his eyes on me in the darkness. He came down to my mouth and kissed me.

I softly pursed my lips to kiss him full on his but it didn't work that way. It was almost as if he was channeling a blowfish and he was trying to kiss me through a pane of glass. I tried to catch his bottom lip. No go. He was still puffing those lips out and after another 14 seconds of me playing catch a kiss, I just turned away and let him suck on my neck.

This was not working.

He took his left hand and eased it down into the Promise Land and tried to slide 2 fingers inside.

No go.

My body twitched in reaction to his nails scratching the inside of my lips.

Why did he have talons for fingernails??

What was the problem???

I turned my hips away from him and moaned. I think he mistook this moan to be one of pleasure when it fact it was one of WHY ME?

I was turned off.

I sat up slightly and he tried to guide my head towards his dick.

*Stare*

I'm not sure what he thought this was but me blowing him was COMPLETELY and UTTERLY out of the question.

"You not gonna do nothing?"

"What? No, I'm not."

He grabbed my hand and brought it to his dick and I grabbed it. Soft, it was the size of my palm.

*sigh*

Here we go.

I started to stroke it while he returned to my neck to do a bit of sucking and licking. I was sitting there in the dark bored to death when I started to feel him grow. I was still not amused. I wanted him to shave off the shagged wig that was at the top of his dick and wondered why he thought that not shaving that shit off was in fact, ok.

He'd taken a condom out of his pocket and put in it my hand.

I put it right back in his.

"Come on yo! I have people in the next room! If you want this put some pep in your step!!!"

He slid the condom on and used his right knee to spread mine. As he tried to enter I felt the weight of his seemingly 5 t-shirts on my chest. This was a nightmare.

As he slid inside, my thoughts began to wander. I wondered if I would be this weeks Mega Millions jackpot winner and began to think about What color I'd get my Aston Martin Vanquish in. I was thinking black with a toasted almond interior. Yep, that would work.

He was trying to kiss me but I pushed his chest away from me and raised my hips off the bed thrusting as much weight as I could at him so that his face could stay at a reasonable distance away from mine.

He reached behind me with both hands to spread my cheeks while he thrusted into me with so much energy that I swore I was his first piece of ass or he hasn't had sex in over a year. I didn't feel like talking or teaching. I started to squeeze my kegels on his dick everytime he stroked in. I wanted this to be over as soon as possible.

i just wasn't feeling it.

At. All.

He came after about 8 minutes and 13 seconds saying: U made me cum.

*blank stare through the dark*

I certainly didn't expect the next few words to come out of his mouth.

"We need another one. Where are your condoms?"

*blinkblink*

I got up to go to the bathroom and told him to get dressed.

*sigh*

CUT THE SHAG.

© 2010 Farrah Barnes

For those of you who may not know what a shag is see the pic.