Mr. First

I guess it would only be right to start with my first. *sigh*
Let me start by giving you a visual. He was about 6'1", slim...about 165 if that. Long fingers, and long feet. Caramel complected, deep drown eyes, a soft voice, with lips that invited me to suck on them for hours.

I met him through his cousin that I was originally talking to who adored me and was a cool dude. I met Mr. First just by being at the house hanging out. There were 3 of them (cousins) and Mr. First was the cutest. We were all cool but I saw how'd he look at me when no one else was around. I tried to play it off because I didn't want to get anything misconstrued...I was dealing with his cousin. Period.

His cousin ended up getting into some kind of trouble and had to go away, and I can't really recall how we managed to get each others numbers but we did. Mr. First ended up turning into my first love. I was 17 and a virgin at the time but I knew I really ended up liking this dude and still went over to the house and hung out with him not giving a fuck WHAT his family thought or said about me. Apparently he didn't either.

A good friend of mine had introduced me to this family and we all knew each other well. She had told me that he wasn't the age I thought he was because she went to the same high school as him. I was under the impression that he was 18.

I didn't care to believe her and continued to go over and watch movies and play basketball with him. He had a little conniving ass sister who I wanted to choke out because she always tried to cause a problem. Yelling through the house saying this girl was on the phone for him or that girl was on the phone for him.

*stare*

I didn't necessarily care about all that because I loved this guy. We were in LaLa land.

One day we were making out and it was getting hot and heavy. He knew I was a virgin and he never pushed me to do anything I didn’t want to do. This was the day I decided I wanted to know what it felt like. I had no desire to have sex throughout highschool just because of the fact that everyone was doing and acting like it was sooo good. Bitch please, you just lost your virginity and you know that shit hurt. Anyway, he found a condom and put it on. I looked down and thought to myself, WHERE THE FUCK IS THAT GOING? Second thoughts flooded my mind. Though it was this creamy brown color and seemed to have this glow to it, the shit was HUGE. He saw my hesitation and said “We don’t have to do this..” I grabbed the back of his head and pulled his mouth to mine. He started to enter and it felt like a hammer trying to get through a pin hole. The pain was like searing hot lava. I couldn’t get any words out. I looked down and he wasn’t even all the way in! It wasn’t even HALF WAY in! I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. He pushed all the way in and I’d thought I’d died and went to hell. After being completely submersed in the folds of my prism he just stayed still for a moment. He looked into my eyes and asked if I was ok. The pain had brought tears to my eyes so I just nodded. I had brought of my knees up and opened up a little to let him know that it was alright to proceed. He began to stroke with soft, concentrated movements trying to be careful not to inflict any more pain than necessary. Even with his cautiousness, the screams were caught in my throat. I just could NOT relax. Five minutes had went by and I’d guessed it felt amazing to him, hell if I know but just when the fire had begun to subside…..he stopped and said “You ain’t ready for this yet….” And pulled out. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to be mad he stopped or happy he stopped.

I had finally had been plucked.

It seemed as though we were in puppy love….calling all the time, seeing each other damn near everyday…until that day. I had went over to his house and he had gotten a dog and went to walk it. I'd stayed in his room and watched tv for awhile. An hour had gone by and I couldn’t understand what kind of dog needed to be walked for an hour. He had a private phone line in his room and it rang. I wasn’t sure if I should pick it up so I let his voicemail pick up.

“Hey baby, call me when you get in to let me know what time you’re coming over, I love you” she’d said.

*blinkblink*

I couldn’t move. The rage began to fill my chest, my eyes began to burn and all I saw was red. I tried to breathe it out as I got up and walked over to the window wondering if he’d be back anytime soon. That’s when I saw it.

His high school ID.

His date of birth was on it.

He had lied about his age.

She was right.

He was 15.

I mean YOU AINT GOT TA LIE CRAIG!!!! YOU AIN'T GOTSTA LIE!!!!!! I couldn't figure out what I wanted to be more mad about! Him being a mere CHILD taking my virginity and having me in love with his ass or him being a mere child taking my fucking virginity and still fucking who knows HOW many other chicks?! Jesus. I guess you already know that I left without a word and hopped on the bus home. I called my friend and told her what happened in tears. Being the great friend that she was….she didn’t say “I told you so.” She just listened to me sob.

He called and called and called and I never answered. It's interesting to me that I was able to just let his ass go the minute I found out he was playing me but as I got older it was harder for me to do that. Ehhhhh.

I think this is what set the trend for me dealing with younger guys as you will see.