Mr. Rabbit

He was the sexiest 17 year old I knew. What the hell did he know about cuff links? Yes, yes, another youngin’. Atleast he was CLOSER to legal! This was a young man who was a jokester but had a more serious side to him than many younger men. I met him at a job I was consulting at in midtown. He’d worked in the mailroom and would always stare at me when he walked by my office and one day I told him that it was ok to say hello. He smiled and said “Hello”. He started coming by my office and chatted about everything and nothing. He flirted nonstop as did I. We exchanged numbers.

He was shorter than I’d normally like, around 5’7 and a light weight…150 pounds if that, but like I said before…the common denominator was swag here. His skin was the color of toffee and eyes the color of chai. He was another one with almondy shaped eyes and a sprinkling of freckles across his nose.

There are two things that I am a sucker for:

Freckles.

Dimples.

And yes…you can say sucker literally. Ha.

He was a small framed dude which was fine because I was going to give him a run for his money. Or so I thought.

He called me one night as soon as I’d walked in the door at home. He wanted to know if I was up for company. Why not? I was always up for some young cock. He said his mother was letting him use the car.

*stare*

What the FUCK was I doing with this mere child? And KNOWING how old he was???
And wait…didn’t he need to have someone in the car with him while driving???

Fuck it. I’ll bite the bullet. It had better be worth it.

When he arrived, he seemed MUCH shorter than what he did at work.

“Jesus Christ” I muttered. My sex drive was slowly diminishing.

I took his jacket and offered him something to drink. He took a Sprite and I made an apple martini. Yep, I sure do keep a selection in the kitchen. I knew I was going to need a drink for this and wished I’d taken a shot instead. He took his Sprite into the bedroom and I decided to just add the extra shot to my martini. His laughter floated through the air as I wondered what in the world he was laughing about. I went into the bedroom and saw Scooby-Doo running across my tv screen.

This muthafucka had on THE CARTOON NETWORK.

*stare*

REALLY DUDE??

I took a swig of that martini that actually turned out to be half the glass.

I picked up my Berry and sent out some texts to see who I would have later that night because I just KNEW this was going to be a fucking disaster.

I noticed he kept giving me his version of the ‘look’. I figured it was time to get in teacher mode. He stood up and took his shirt off in front of me. He had a nice body for a little boy. He took his pants off and I went to the kitchen to get another drink. When I came back he was laid across the bed in what it seemed was an attempt at his sexy-lay-across-the-bed-come-hither look. He was naked.

I took another swig.

I climbed on top of him to survey the goods.

He was hard and ready to go. I was looking at around 6.75 inches.

I lazily ran my tongue from his belly button up to his left nipple and started nibbling on it.

“Hey! What are you doing?! That tickles!!!”

*blinkblink*

WHAT THE FUCK?

The minimal drippage I had – the two slivers of wetness that hadn’t even fully dripped OUT of the pussy had defied gravity, reversed, and sprinted in the other direction. I went dry that quick.

Fuck this. I had to put my buzz to use and figured ok…I can get it back if he’s a good kisser. I went up to kiss him. I inched my face up to his, lips parted, eyes starting to close and I don’t know what the fuck happened but his mouth just…CLAMPED down on mine. I was in complete shock and could not understand what was happening.

He had no clue how to kiss.

I immediately thought of Charlotte from the Sex & The City episode where her date was ending in front of her building and when she went in for the kiss, dude kissed and licked all around her mouth and all over her face! I was having an official “He Raped My Face” moment.

My upper lip area was wet. The sides of my mouth were wet. The tip of my nose was wet. He had no CLUE as to what the FUCK he was doing! He was kissing me so hard that I felt like my top lip was going to be cut by my own teeth on the inside! I even tried to catch his insane rhythm…FAIL! He was going so fast flicking his tongue in and out of my mouth like a bipolar lizard. I didn’t know what to do besides fight the urge to scream out in laughter and disgust. He pulled the condom from under my pillow.

Really? Did you really put it there while I was in the kitchen? Come on.

I wasn’t even horny. I had to reach down and massage my own clit in the hopes that I could get the engine going. It worked. Praise God.

He tried to flip me over. I suppose he was trying to showcase the strength that he thought he had. Since I consider myself a decent actor, I faked my body being flung across the bed just so he could feel good. I regretted this entire ordeal and just wanted it to be over.

He reached down and attempted to enter my bored pussy.

Attempt number one. Fail.

Attempt number two. Fail.

I swore I would get up and get dressed if he didn’t get it in on the third try.

He did.

From the time he got it in you would have thought that someone shot off a gun for the race of his life. He started bucking so hard and fast that I had to cover my mouth with my hand to keep from laughing out loud. I tried to keep up but I felt so ill-prepared without my Nike Shox. I layed there and let him do his thing. Apparently he REALLY thought he was doing something because he started to talk shit. No - that’s no typo.

HE STARTED TO TALK SHIT.

“Who’s your Daddy?”

WHAT THE FUCK DID HE JUST SAY??

This muthafucka was still wet behind the ears talking about WHO’S YOUR DADDY? I acted as if I didn’t hear him. He was still pumping away for dear life. It had to be the absolute longest three minutes of my life. He came and collapsed on top of me. I looked at him with such disgust in my eyes and rolled his ass off of me.

“What time do you have to be home?”

He looked at his watch and said “I have a little time.” He laid back on the bed and had this smug look on his face as if he was the fucking man.

"Oh is that right? Well I don’t. You gotta go."

"So how was it?”

*blinkblink*

I laughed freely and very loudly. You know, like one of those huge, hearty laughs that come from the very bottom of your belly.

“Oh you can’t tell from the look on my face? I’m glad your girlfriend wants to remain a virgin.”

He’d looked confused and asked what that meant as he started to get dressed.

“It’s time for me to get in the shower, I’m worn the hell out from all that running, we’ll chat later”

I ushered him out of my door.

I leaned up against the closed door and vowed to NEVER do another youngin' or never do someone that I currently work with. Again.

The next day at work, I kept my office door closed all day and everyday thereafter. The few times he did see me, he tried to engage me in conversation but I’d brush him off and tell him I was super busy. He actually had to leave the company due to family issues I’d heard. He called a few times after that but I never returned the calls. He got the hint.

Maybe I should go 25 and up now?